That was the reaction I received when I told my family what I was planning on doing with my life last Christmas in Chicago. It's about what I expected when I told them that I was going to quit my job, sell everything I own and travel around the world for 2 years. Actually my plans were to travel indefinitely but with Grandma's ailing health and the holiday season upon us I didn't want to push the envelope. I was 27 dating a nice girl and working a six-figure job with a bright future. They couldn't have been more surprised if I told them I just murdered a Girl Scout selling cookies door to door. They were hoping I would say something like I'm getting married, moving into a 3 bedroom ranch style home in the suburbs, having 2 kids one boy and one girl and top it all off with a front and side impact air bag four-wheel anti-lock brake all-speed traction control minivan.

The excitement in my voice about the interaction with travelers and locals, diverse cultures, foreign languages and exotic places meant nothing. They simply viewed it as me throwing my life away. I think the phrase "reckless abandonment" was used more than once. Obviously this was a bit much for them to handle at the moment so I didn't try to convince them how good my decision felt.

I flew back home to San Francisco thinking about my family's reaction and wondered if I was "throwing my life away." The only conclusion I could come up with was yes. I realized I was throwing my life away and I had been for 27 years. The result of what I had become was based on a combination of my own rather uninformed decisions and decisions made on my behalf. I wasn't a prodigy so I didn't make too many decisions from kindergarten through high school. I'm not talking about decisions like did I want gravy with my mash potatoes; I'm talking about real decisions that effected my future. In my formable years I basically relied on my parents guidance because they seemed knowledgeable and I figured that they wanted me out of the house eventually so they had a vested interest in my future success. I was lucky I went off to the college of my choice where I drank smoked dope and chased girls while maintaining a non-probationary GPA. Sometime around the first semester my junior year the university made me declare a major. This was likely my first real uninformed decision I ever made. I felt confident that the past two years of debauchery gave me the wisdom necessary for such a consequential decision. I knew Mom and Dad will freak out if I told them I wanted to be an art major so I choose business knowing that will keep them off my back for two more years. I though surely I could find a job in business, after all the world runs on business? right?

In spite of myself I managed to do all right in school and I interviewed with the companies recruiting on campus. If the past four years of studying business taught me anything it was to accept the offer that pays me the most. Not much of a thought process to it so that's exactly what I did and I landed a job consulting for a big accounting firm. On the first day of orientation I received my employee manual and right there on pages 36-42 was the career path to partner. It outlined everything I needed to do for the next 12 years of my life, no decisions necessary. If I follow this manual I've hit the jackpot and this was the big league of business or so they said. I figure the worst case scenario is I work for a few years, launch my career then wait for the next company to come along and offer me more money. That's what it all about? making money right?

I got so wrapped up in this world that I completely lost sight. I couldn't see what had happened and damn if anyone else could either. It appeared as if I had it all. The winter cabin in Tahoe, yacht club membership, apartment in North Beach, I bought a motorcycle just for shits and giggles, ate out all the time, traveled to exotic destination for vacation. Still I felt like something was missing. I tried to tell my friends and family about it and their reaction was like "You ungrateful SOB? look at what you have? there are people out there that would kill to be in your shoes!" Then I would say something like "Oh yeah, I forgot. I'm an idiot. Are we sure we want to charter a sailboat in the Caribbean or rent an island in the South Pacific for the Millennium?"

As a general rule I've always tied to focus on the positive aspects of life and not dwell on my own sorrows or misfortunes. "Shit happens, it's inevitable. Sometimes it even piles up but that doesn't mean you have to stand there in it," is what my Dad used to say. I normally didn't listen to my Dad, but that just made good sense. I didn't care for self-pity parties anyway so I ignored the feelings of discontent.

From time to time those feelings would resurface and I would shake them. If snowboarding Squaw Valley that weekend didn't do it then maybe the craps tables in Vegas would. I had all sorts of tricks up my sleeve to cloud the melancholy and when the tricks didn't work anymore I tried to rationalize the situation. I backed myself in a corner and couldn't hide anymore. I thought that by confronting the problem head on with a little left brain thinking I could make some sense of it. I took a step back, objectively, logically, analytically looked at the big picture then asked myself questions like what was I doing with my life? What defines my happiness? What do I want out of life? What do I value? What convictions do I hold? What? What? What? I became frustrated and felt emptiness not knowing the answers to these basic human questions.

For a person who has always viewed himself as reasonably intelligent, intuitive and perceptive I sure didn't have much of a clue. I owed it to myself to spend some considerable time thinking about the answers to these questions. The first step was to make time and my job was a good place to start. It's tragic that I spent roughly 40% of my waking week doing something I really didn't want to so I asked for and received an 8-week sabbatical. I spent the time traveling solo in Scandinavia asking more questions then I was answering. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. I was supposed to discover some basic truths about myself go back to San Francisco redirect my life and live contently ever after. Instead I found myself more confused than ever.

It was clear that a more immoderate approach was needed to answer these questions, but I didn't know what it was. Everything I thought about was more of a distraction than a solution. The only thing I knew for certain was the liberating feeling I experienced traveling. For the first time in my life I got a taste of what it feels like to truly do what I want, not what everyone else wants or expects me to do. It also provided me with a chance to reflect, extrapolate and simply to think about my life.

Now I'm a year older, about to travel the world and change the course of my life forever. I'm not traveling because I have high hopes of finding the meaning of life, my soul mate or a green leprechaun bathing in the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I'm traveling to step back from the life I've unconsciously been living and to gain a fresh perspective of myself, the world and the people in it. Hopefully then I can answer some of the questions I've been asking myself and start making informed decision about my future.

~ Tyson

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."

~ William Jennings Bryan

"I'm not intelligent because of what I know, I'm wise because I have an idea of what I don't know."

~ Fechin

"The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking."

~ John Kenneth Galbraith

"Do not be dismayed at good-byes. A good-bye is necessary before meeting again and meeting again after moments or lifetimes is certain for those who are friends."

~ Richard Bach